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By jakkie, Jul 8 2020 04:48AM

Do you find yourself in a constant battle with your own mind?

Do you think one thing, then contradict it with an opposing thought?

Do you say you’ll NEVER do that again’, then find yourself doing it AGAIN?

This is your conscious mind in conflict with your subconscious mind.

When it comes to processing information, the subconscious mind is over a million times more powerful than the conscious mind, in fact it runs 95% of your life! Crazy isn't it? Most of the time you’re on autopilot acting out what your subconscious mind has been programmed to do and you don't even know it (because it's unconscious).

During the first six years of your life, your brain was in a state of a hypnagogic trance at the level of the EEG (the brain activity) and it recorded all your experiences of the world during that time.

You started to acquire perceptions about who you were in the world and this conditioning started to over-ride your natural abilities.

The you started to act out from that programming and believed it was real and true. No wonder we sometimes feel out of control of our lives.

Here's an example of how we create this unconscious programming.

A child is growing up and it recognises that when it gets near to a thing called ‘water’, its parents get very anxious and implies that this ‘water’ is very dangerous. However every child when it’s born can swim like a dolphin. We all have a built-in ability to swim. So why do we need to teach children how to swim? Because they have received negative programming which shuts off instincts, intuition and their conscious mind.

Another example is if a child has parents who installed into them the program, ‘I don’t deserve’, it will become part of their belief system and subconscious programming.

Now project ahead 40 years to when this child is an adult and sitting in some tiny office thinking, ‘I don’t understand why I’m in this dead end place with this wretched job. I’m well qualified and I’m smart so why am I here?’ This person is thinking this with the conscious mind that only runs the show five per cent of the day, but that person is operating from the subconscious mind that’s running the program, ‘I do not deserve’.

The nature of the mind is to make coherence of the world. So if you have a program that says, ‘I do not deserve’, your brain will not let you generate behaviour that contradicts this because its nature says it has to be coherent.

So how is your life? Are you ruled by your unconscious programming?

If you repeat patterns or feel stuck in a habit that you know isn’t right for you then you probably are.

Or you might get frustrated because deep down you know you want more out of life but you just don’t know how to get it.

So how can we change this unconscious programming?

Firstly, recognise it’s there, because if you keep thinking the world is against you you’ll keep recreating experiences that reflect that. Because until you own that you’re operating from your subconscious mind most of the time you can’t go to the next level. Once you shift the belief from being a victim of circumstance beyond your control, to knowing you are the master of your destiny, then real change can take place.

So my message to you this month is know that you have the power to transform all those unconscious patterns of sabotage.

You have all the tools within you to start operating from your conscious mind instead of your subconscious. You can train your subconscious patterns to conscious patterns just by knowing they’re there. Know that with practice and patience you can rewire all the unhelpful stuff that was installed within you from childhood and live a happy, healthy fulfilled life as an adult.

It’s sooooo easy once you make the commitment to honour yourself and your life.

This is your power, so use it.

This is your freedom, so take it.


If you would like help with this, Enrol NOW on the Online Course - MindBody Magic Bootcamp and transform your life!

By jakkie, Jun 9 2020 05:17AM

Imagine you are a beautiful being of light, shining brightly and full of happiness and joy.….like a new born baby, or a carefree child, or an angel or fairy, whatever image comes to your mind.

Now imagine you, this beautiful being of light, putting on clothes, heavy clothes and lots of them. Imagine more layers going on, dirty, dark and soiled. Now you start to pick up heavy carrier bags. You don’t have enough hands to hold all the heavy bags, so you strap the one’s you can’t carry to your body, to your head, to your chest and to your back. You try to step forward and you realise your feet are stuck in a big swamp of mud. With the effort of trying to move forward, you fall over into the mud. You pick yourself up and try to move forward again, but you fall over again and then again, then you give up trying. You’ve tried to move forward, but it’s impossible. You are so weighed down and you are so tired and so stuck.

Do you still identify as the beautiful being of light?

This is the human conditioning. You may not be as weighed down as this illustration, however all of us carry a weight of baggage to a certain degree.

The weight of responsibility sits on your shoulders, your sadness collects in your heart, the lack of self esteem hides in your tummy, the stuff you don’t want to face gets blocked in your bowel, your struggles are lodged in your spine, your regrets are swimming in your kidneys, your unspoken words are stuck in your throat, your ridgedness gets lodged in your bones, your vulnerabilities form armour as muscles and fat. Your body holds all of your past, like a map of your life.

Now imagine this. You have had enough of struggle, you have had enough of the heaviness and the dirt, so you decide to do something about it. You put down the bags you’ve been carrying, you untie the bags from around your waist, your back, your head. Then you start to peal layer upon dirty layer of clothing off around you. Each time you peal another layer off, you feel yourself getting lighter and lighter. You are now able to step out of the mud, because you no longer have the weight on top of you. You can now walk, you start to walk faster and faster, then you start to skip, now you run. You feel so light, so free and liberated. You find a waterfall and you stand underneath it, feeling the power of the cleansing water crashing over your head, your body, your energy field. You swim in the pool feeling so fresh, so clean. You glide out of the water feeling weightless and you stand naked lifting your face up to the sun. You lift your arms to the sky because you no longer have fears, no longer have worries, no longer have inhibitions, no longer have burdens, no longer have pain, you are once again a pure being of LIGHT!

This is who you truly are.

This is your true free spirit.

So who are you now? The person weighed down? Or the being of light?

Freedom from your baggage can sometimes take years of healing, therapy and self awareness, however I believe in magic, because I regularly witness the magic of healing where the weight of years of struggle and burdens disappear in an instant.

What is this magic key ingredient?

The magic comes when you wake up to who you truly are. You see the truth behind the illusion of your life. You break free from past conditioning, knowing it’s not really you, it’s just your story that you’ve been playing out, like an actor in a movie.

Once you are willing to let go and release the past with absolute conviction, then you are free.

No matter what your situation or circumstance at the moment, if you are struggling, it has nothing to do with the outside world but EVERYTHING to do with your inside world. Everyone is experiencing this pandemic differently and whatever has been bought up for you, is the very thing that needs to be faced.

No more hiding, no more excuses, no more denying who you truly are. You are a courageous, strong and beautiful person who has overcome many challenges in your time, and these challenges can either make you or break you, depending on whether you have continued to carry the past with you, or whether you have transformed it.

When you have transformed your challenges, that’s when the magic really happens, because your biggest struggles becomes your greatest gifts.

I love this poem by Eva pierrakos -

Through the gateway of feeling your weakness lies your strength;

Through the gateway of feeling your pain lies your pleasure and joy;

Through the gateway of feeling your fear lies your security and safety;

Through the gateway of feeling your loneliness lies your capacity to have fulfillment, love, and companionship;

Through the gateway of feeling your hate lies your capacity to love;

Through the gateway of feeling your hopelessness lies true and justified hope;

Through the gateway of accepting the lacks of your childhood lies your fulfillment now.

So my message to you this month is to make a decision to let go of your baggage once and for all and transform your life. This might be letting go of a small paper bags worth of little niggles or annoyances, or it might be a massive bin bag full of pain, fear or grievance.

Start today afresh, see yourself as a new born child wide eyed with wonder and be the shining light that you know you truly are.

If you would like help with this,

Enrol NOW on the Online Course -

MindBody Magic Bootcamp and transform your life!

By jakkie, Feb 5 2020 05:27AM

I have been asked this question many times:



I always remember a friend of mine who was such a positive person. Whenever we met she’d be so overly happy, full of compliments, so full of positive words, negative words would never cross her lips. It was astounding. If I, or anyone else dare to say anything slightly "off", or verging on "negative", she’d stop them in their tracks and push out extra amounts of positive vibes to cancel out the bad ones. 

At first I thought she was just AMAZING!! I wanted to be like her, in fact I wanted to BE her, she was just too good to be true. And she turned out to be exactly that. I hadn’t seen her for a while, so I asked a friend who knew her if she was OK. She wasn’t. She’d had a mental and emotional breakdown. I couldn’t believe it, her of all people!! What on earth happened? I thought that nothing bad happened to extra positive people! Something BIG must’ve happened for her to get into that state.


Now that I’m older and a bit wiser, it was now very clear what had happened. She was so fearful of facing the pain inside her that she pushed away anything that would take her there. She had never dealt with the pain of her past failings, and rather than face them, she’d brush them under the carpet and replaced her sadness with an external shining persona of positivity. Unfortunately all this did was make the pain build and build until it finally irrupted like a volcano.


We’ll always swing from positive to negative because we live in a world of polarity. Some people live more in the positive spectrum, others live more in the negative spectrum. If you don’t want to live in the negative, then the skill is to master getting yourself up instead of staying stuck in the down.


Staying positive in life can be easy, in fact there are some great techniques I’ll share with you in a moment,  however to maintain a life of positivity, firstly it’s worth noting what triggers you into negativity. Take note of those rising niggles or fears, anger, sadness, frustrations and anything else that triggers you. When they rise, ask yourself, ‘Why do I feel this?’ 'What is it that troubles me?' 'What is pressing my buttons here?' 'What is making me grit my teeth in frustration?' 'What is this anger building up in me when I least expect it?' 'Do the things that trigger me have a similar theme?' 


Once you get to the bottom of the WHY’s, you can then look at the HOW’s: 'How can I change this?'


Whenever you feel your energy drop and you can feel yourself becoming negative, first ask yourself, 'Is this MINE or did I pick this up from someone/something else?' If it’s not yours, drop it. Don’t take it on board. If it IS yours then look at it, and you’ll know it’s yours because it’ll keep popping up. What has ruffled you? Then think of something positive from it that can switch it around. So for example, say your loved one did something you didn’t like, notice how it made you feel. Is it an old pain? Is it a pain triggered from the past, like, ‘I feel so under valued?’ Or , ‘I’m a failure.’ If it is a pain you’ve felt many times before, then it’s risen again for a reason. It’s here to remind you it needs to be healed. It was a belief you made up in the past about yourself and it’s NOT TRUE. It might feel true because you believe it, but it is no more true than the world is flat!


This is when positive affirmations are hugely powerful. Whenever that old pain rises, switch it to the opposite, ‘I AM VALUABLE’ or, ‘I AM SUCCESSFUL’, and list reason why you are. Before you know it, the old trigger will have gone, because you have programmed an old belief.


Now do this exercise.


Put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath in and repeat the word ‘THANK YOU’ for at least 30 seconds and mean it. You can say it in your head or aloud, it’s up to you. Close your eyes and do it now.


Notice how your body feels now. Is it buzzing with energy? Is it feeling soft and relaxed? Is it feeling lifted and light? Is it expanded and free? Has your heart opened?


Now look around you. Does everything look a little brighter, nicer, better? This feeling is your POSITIVE vibration.


OK, but how can we stay in this positive state when we live in a world that shoves negativity in our faces 24/7?


Here’s some do's and don'ts to help you stay positive:


1. Don’t watch the news with all the negative dramas going on in the world which makes you feel sad. Instead watch something uplifting.

2. Don’t listen to your friends or family’s problems and make them your own. Instead be empathic and don’t try and ‘fix’ them.

3. Don’t read thrillers or watch movies full of horror, murder, hate and evil. Instead change your genre to something that opens your heart. 

4. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into all the sadness, destruction, crisis, wars, famine and suffering out there in the world. Instead see all the goodness in the world, there's plenty of evidence when you look.

5. Don’t hold onto negative thoughts when you receive bills, do your tax return or do your weekly shopping. Instead learn to enjoy them!

6. Don't regularly scan social media sites that fuel your negative thoughts. Instead turn your phone off!

7. Don’t hold onto a past thought that has nothing to do with your present, and  definitely don’t drag it everywhere with you as if it’s still relevant and real now. Instead let go of that thought and live in each precious moment as it unfolds.

8. Don’t get sucked into office politics and definitely don’t instigate it! Instead keep your mouth closed and walk away.

9. If you hate your job, list all the positives about it. If you can’t find any, then leave! Life is too short to not enjoy it!


Once you cut out these bad habits, notice how much lighter you feel.


So my message to you this month is BE positive. Don’t beat yourself up when you feel yourself slipping into negativity, instead look at it with intrigue. Is this feeling real? Is there something I need to heal/learn/do here? Then when the truth is known to you, switch your focus to something that lifts you, like how much you love your family/pet/house/garden/work. Keep feeding your mind with what makes you happy and light, and dump anything that doesn’t. Every night and every morning say, 'Thank you’, because there are ALWAYS things to be grateful for. When things happen in your life that stress you out, breathe and let it go, don’t hold onto it because your thoughts about it will only intensify it.


Now I’m going to sing you a song from Frozen…


‘Let it go, Let it go,’  (come on, sing along…)


Let it go, let it go

I am one with the wind and sky!   (… just me then?)

Let it go! Let it go!

You’ll never see me cry!

Here I stand and here I’ll stay

Let the storm rage on…

Let it go, let it go, with the orinoco flow...
(ha ha, I just added that last one)!

By jakkie, Jan 5 2020 08:46AM

This is a slightly different post, because this New Years Message comes to you from my guardian angel!

No I haven’t gone mad... (well I don’t think so anyway!!)

I often communicate with my unseen friends, in fact a lot of my monthly blogs are channelled, but I don’t tell many people this because I have a fragile ego and I desperately fear being judged!

However my new years resolution is to be as honest and open and as I can with the intention of hopefully helping others that struggle too. Yes I have ups and downs like everyone else and I hope my messages haven’t given you the impression that I’m somehow perfect and I’ve got life sussed!! Oh noooooooo my friend far from it, I’m still learning and growing, but every year that goes past, my life gets easier and simpler. It gets easier because I’m not scared to face my demons anymore. It gets simpler because I'm in a constant process of letting go. Shit happens and when it does, I roll up my sleeves and I dive into the dirt, face down! I wallow and squirm about in it for a bit, then clamber back out, hose myself down and somehow manage to come away much wiser and lighter.

Last month my fears and struggles started to rise within me again. Over Christmas my face swelled up like a balloon due to a tooth abscess. Then half a tooth came out with my first bite of a mince pie. I managed to get to a dentist a few days later and was told I had to have ANOTHER root canal operation. I had one done the previous month (along with many other tooth related issues) and this news of more dental work drained me, not just emotionally, but financially too. To add to the stress of the day, the car then broke down!

My peace had been taken away BIG TIME and I was once again plummeted into distress. Usually when I have any issues with my body or my life, I calmly tune into my body wisdom for all the answers I need, but this time I was too distressed and needed outside help. So it was then I had a little chat with my unseen friends. ‘Why was this happening to me AGAIN?’ I asked. I got all the answers I needed for my teeth and I received an extra bonus message too.

So here I thought I’d share the extra (terrestrial - ha ha!) bonus message with you, as I believe it’s relevant to us all. As the message came through, I recorded it, so it's almost word for word.

Here goes…

“What if I told you there is nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix, nowhere to get to and nothing you need to do.

What if I told you that you are perfect exactly for who you are and for exactly who you are not?

What if I told you you can live a life without suffering, without pain, without sadness without fears.

What if I told you that the root of all your suffering is your judgements about your circumstance. What if I told you that your mind is interpreting your circumstance and turning them into fears, sadness and pain.

What if I told you that your natural way of being is peace and love, would you believe me? Things often happen outside of you that take you away from that peace and love. Things happen “to you” that rock your foundations, your security, your world. However it’s never about the thing that happens to you, but it’s all about your emotions, your thoughts and your feelings about it that pull you about far too easily.

Whatever happens in your life, know you are safe, know you are loved and know you are perfect just the way you are, and know your life is perfect just the way it is. However you constantly yearn for life to be different to how it is and this is what creates your suffering.

You live in a world of polarity full of darkness and light, cold and hot, masculine and feminine and when you truly accept that this polarity is part of your life and part of who you are, then your struggles will stop. Life on this earth is always going to be a series of ups and downs, sadness and happiness, darkness and light, fear and love, because this is who you are, you are part of this polarity, you are made from darkness and light.

When you fully embrace and integrate these polarities, the duality disappears, it becomes one, one principle that is not in opposition to the other, with no push and pull. The polarities of this earth and within you are in fact inseparable aspects of wholeness. Once the wholeness within you has been embraced, there will be a simplicity of beingness shining through all your actions and non actions.

So accept your darkness and your light, your going hot, your going cold, your ups and downs, your feelings of happiness, your feelings of sadness. Accept that this is life and that LIFE JUST IS.

Once you make a promise to yourself to stop resisting or forcing life, and learn how to ride the wave and learn how to peacefully navigate your way through the polarities without your central core of peace being disturbed, your life will no longer be a struggle. Constantly practice bringing yourself back to peace and back to love, because there will always be something "out there" to disturb you "in there". Allow experiences to move through you instead of staying stuck in you. The quicker you learn how to navigate your life through the ups and downs, through the pain and the joy, through the sorrow and the happiness, and the quicker you learn how to allow, accept and ride the wave of these polarities, the quicker you’ll get back to calmer waters.

At some point you might find yourself in the depths of depression and it's OK to be there, surrender to it, feel it deeply, allow it to swamp you and overwhelm you, then know you have the ability to rise back to peace, back to happiness, back to love, back to wholeness.

If you get stuck in the pain, the grief, the sadness, and stuck in the ‘story’ of what happened, this is when it takes over your life and it becomes your life. Your mind and emotions are keeping you stuck in your judgements and interpretations of it. Your mind is believing that this pain is all that there is, your emotions are believing that it’s real, you sometimes even refuse to come out of the pain and darkness, because you want to be right about it. You label it as bad and wrong. You identify yourself as that pain. You want to wallow in the pain to make sure others know you are suffering. When you stay in suffering it makes you right about being a victim. Sometimes you even choose to suffer, because it helps you to hold onto your identity and the story about what you have made up about who you are. So you stubbornly stay in the pain. You then become that pain.

What if I told you, you are not your suffering, you are not your pain, you are not your sadness, you are not your grief. What if you were to believe that you are always peace and love. When you truly believe that this is who you are at the core of your being, when you come back to this place of peace and love, your suffering will instantly dissolve. As soon as your fearful mind gets back in the driving seat, you will find that your peace is instantly taken away again.

And when you believe that life is horrid and it’s out to get you and that life is painful, you will keep reenforcing that this is how life is and you will then stay even more stuck in the suffering.

Be OK with everything the way it is, because there is no right or wrong, only your judgement of it, everything JUST IS. Know you have the power to change how you feel in an instant, because lasting happiness, peace and wholeness comes from within you not outside of you. See it, feel it and know that this is your true being, and the longer you can stay in this place of peace and love, the easier it will be for you to ride that wave. So even when things appear to go "pear shaped" in your life, you can easily get back to that place of peace. The more you practice peace and love from within you, it will then become your natural default mechanism. Then from this default mechanism, your highs will become even higher because you have come from the starting point of happiness. Your extreme highs are more accessible and easy to get to because you are almost already there.

So it’s your choice whether you stay in the pain or come back to peace. All it takes is for you to consciously bring yourself back to peace and love. You do this by becoming still, by removing all your thoughts, removing all your emotions, then put your hand on your heart and breathe love into it. This will bring you back to a place of stillness where you are held, you are supported, you are loved, you are whole. From this place of peace, you are more likely to make the right decisions and choices to move you forward in your life, than you are from a place of your turbulent emotions.

The more you practice coming back to peace when things upset you, the better your life will become. And because you ‘feel’ this happiness more often, you will attract more experiences of happiness to you, because whatever you vibrate, you attract more of.

So this is my message to you for 2020, no matter what ups and downs you experience this year, know that the downs will pass and ups are on their way back to you. Because you are peace. You are love. You are whole”.

HAPPY 2020!!

By jakkie, Aug 6 2019 01:39AM

If you didn’t fear judgement, what would you do?

If you didn’t care what others thought, how would you behave?

If you didn’t need approval, how different would your life be?

Take a moment to reflect on these questions because it will show you how much of your life’s decisions and behaviour is dependant on what others think. It will also show you how much you need others to make you feel good about yourself. It may also be an indication of how secure or insecure you are about yourself.

Our greatest need is to be loved and to be accepted and sometimes we will go to great lengths to get it. To be loved and accepted runs deep within our DNA, it’s what keeps us safe. If we are the black sheep, or the ‘outsider’ within our group, then we run the risk of being ridiculed, not being accepted and in our ancient past, we were killed for it. If we were not loved as a child, it can have devastating effects on us as an adult, constantly seeking the love we never had to make us feel wanted, worthy and valuable.

We crave love, acceptance and approval because we believe we'd be NOTHING if we didn’t have it. Humans have such a strong ego and the ego needs to be seen and heard. What is the point of being alive if no-one noticed us or valued who we are?

Another reason why we may seek love and approval is if we’re lacking the chemicals oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin in our body. When these hormones are released into our bodies, we experience feelings of happiness, relaxation, improve mood, love, and they lower levels of depression. When we touch – cuddle, hug, or hold hands, give or receive love – our bodies release these “feel good” hormones. This is why sometimes we get addicted to love! What we are in fact addicted to, are these feel good hormones.

If you seek constant love, validation and recognition from others, then you’ll probably find you are acting out unhealthy patterns and your life has become reliant on getting the ‘fix’ you need. This can show up in all sorts of ways, but the most common are; dysfunctional relationships, addictions, depression, anger, a sense of failure, putting others down, showing off, highly competitive, promiscuity and crime.

In the past, people used to give and receive love, validation and approval from a small pool of people who were usually family members, school teachers, neighbours and friends. Today however we are connected to millions of people on the internet and people are now seeking love, approval and validation through social media. As a society we are becoming obsessed by our ‘likes’ on facebook to confirm how much we are liked or not liked. As a society, we have started to believe the symbols of confirmation from virtual strangers are a true indication of our worth, even though they are so far from the truth. This has been devastating, so much so, that some people have even taken their own lives because they believe they aren’t "liked". This is very tragic.

If you rely on others for their approval of you, you will never be happy, because you can’t please everyone all of the time. If you do please everyone all of the time, then you’re probably feeling exhausted!! The only approval you need is the approval from yourself. This is the journey of self love and self worth. We wouldn’t need validation or seek love off others if we loved and approved of ourselves. In fact our lives would be completely different if we didn’t care what others thought.

So I put these questions to you again and I invite you to answer them honestly.

If you didn’t fear judgement, what would you do?

If you didn’t care what others thought, how would you behave?

If you didn’t need approval, how different would your life be?

So my message for you this month is to do, say, or act on whatever you’ve been busting to do for ages. Go ahead and do what your heart is yearning for, regardless of being judged for it. Pick one thing that you know has been holding you back because you’ve been too worried what others will think of you.

When you live your truth, all the cells in your body slot back into alignment. You feel good, on your own, without needing others to feed you.

Work on loving and approving of yourself no matter what other people think, because you’re great! Stop hiding, be brave and take a leap of faith.

Now is the time step up and be proud of who you truly are.

By jakkie, Jul 9 2019 06:33AM

Do you know someone who needs to control their environment, as well as the people in it?

It may even be you!

People who need to control everything in their lives live in a perpetual state of fear.

This is not to judge or criticise this behaviour, but it’s to understand why, as humans, we do this.

As a child, they probably suffered huge disappointments that kept them on their guard. If they were a child of divorce, for instance, they learned that love is fleeting and that people can't be counted on to keep their promises. If they were the child of an alcoholic, or if there was high conflict in their home, they don't really know what it means to be emotionally safe. If one (or both) of their parents was physically or emotionally unavailable, they learned not to expect much from people. Or if they grew up in a home where money was a constant source of strife, they probably became determined to make their own way in life and to never allow themselves to depend on others.

All of these scenarios can, and usually do, result in controlling behaviour.

Ok so let’s be really honest here, is this you? Are you controlling? We never actually like to admit it because we usually think it’s others not seeing the world as we do, therefore it’s OTHERS who have an issue not US.

Here’s a fun quiz to find out if you’re a bit of a control freak (although you probably already know the answer).

For each question, choose a number on a five-point scale, to show how accurately you think the statement describes you. Use 1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often. Write your number on a piece of paper, then add up your score and consult the interpretation scale at the end. (Note: the even-numbered questions indicate personal control and the odd-numbered ones indicate control over others.)

Be as honest as you can. As you answer each question, imagine that someone who knows you well is looking over your shoulder - what would they say? Would they agree with your self-perception?

The Control Freak Quiz

1. Do you "help" other people drive the car - tell them what route to take, when to turn, where to park, remind them that the traffic light has changed? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

2. Do you devote a lot of attention and energy to keeping your personal environment organised? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

3. Do you give people a lot of "shoulds" and "oughts" - unsolicited advice, suggestions, and "constructive criticism?” 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

4. Do you have lots of personal rules, routines, rituals, and ceremonies? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

5. Are you the one who takes over and orders other people around when the situation seems confused or chaotic? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

6. Do you dislike depending on others, accepting help from them, or allowing them to do things for you? 1 = Rarely; Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

7. Do you insist on "being right," having things done your way, or having the final word? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

8. Do you "over-plan" simple activities? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

9. Do you find it difficult to admit making mistakes, being wrong or misinformed about something, or acknowledging that you've changed your mind? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

10. Do you become angry, irritable, or anxious when someone or something makes you late, when things don't start on time, or things don't go according to plan? 1 = Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

Another great way to determine if you're too controlling is to ask yourself if your relationships feel competitive rather than complementary. Is there a lot of needless bickering or a desire to be right? If so, the only option you have, is to change yourself. Change the way you approach the relationship, and you will get a different result.

Interpret Your Score:

41 - 50: yep, you're a control freak.

31 - 40: you probably have some control issues.

21 - 30: you can live and let live.

10 - 20: are you being honest?

So how did you score? Ok, I’ll admit it, I have some control issues myself!

So what’s wrong with being a bit controlling?

Nothing—if you spend most of the time alone. But if you want to be happily married, or have your kids/boss/colleagues/partner/family like and respect you, being controlling probably won't get you there. I know it may not be as easy to hear, especially if it has developed into more serious conditions, like OCD. (Just for the record, OCD is a completely different ball game, so if you believe you have OCD, this may require specialist help, or unconditional acceptance from yourself and your loved one’s.) The key is, is to WANT to change. If you are quite happy with being controlling whether you or others like it or not, then it is your choice.

At the heart of your need to control is fear and your inability to trust. To have true unconditional love and great relationships in your life, you will need to give up control.

I know it's a tall order, however it can be done. First we need to rid of the belief that if we give up control, then somehow we become subservient, weak or we open ourselves to others controlling us. If we had more self respect and trust in ourselves, then we won’t need to control other people or situations to keep us safe. Remember, being controlling is just a habit we have learnt in our younger years to keep us safe. Letting go of control is truly liberating, because we make a personal statement that we trust ourselves and our loved one’s and it breaks us from the chains of our past.

One way to change a habit that doesn’t serve you is the use of mantras. You will need to repeat your mantra over and over again, every day for at least 12 days for it to redirect your brain into a new pattern. Let’s use the example of wanting to slow down more and not be in such a hurry. So you come up with a short, easy phrase that represents the change you want to make—such as, “I choose to slow down”—and you repeat that phrase every chance you get throughout the day. You can say it while you’re driving in a car or when you’re in the bathroom. You can say it when you’re doing the dishes, walking, or waiting in a queue. On any given day, there are a myriad of opportunities to repeat the simple phrase in your head. Over time, your brain will reset itself. In this case, slowing down will become a more natural state.

To be less controlling, then, you might say to yourself “I choose to say nothing” when your partner/kids/boss/parents say something to which you disagree. Instead of choosing the behaviour you think has the most potential for conflict, talk yourself into doing the opposite of that behaviour by creating a mantra that pushes you in that direction. It’s all about forming new habits. It can be difficult to get rid of a bad habit, but if you develop a new habit, it will eventually replace the old one and you won’t need to think about it anymore.

Another way to reduce your controlling tendencies is, for one week, do everything opposite to the way you would normally do it. Hmmmm that sounds a bit scary! However if you do this, it will rewire your brain into new ways of being. When your husband / wife / partner / kids / boss / friend / parents say something with which you disagree, say something like, “That’s interesting.” When you would normally interject your opinion, don’t. When you would normally complain, say something positive. When you would normally instruct, ask—preferably with a please or a thank you. When you would normally say no, say yes. You get the idea.

Then, sit back and watch what happens. You'll be amazed.

So my message for you this month is to put a stop to your control freak streak, and decide today, right now, to face your fears. What are you afraid of that makes you feel the need to take control? What happened in your past that made you skeptical of love or to get your needs met? Once you can see why you are controlling, and that it was only your brilliant defence mechanism protecting you, then you can start to release the hold it has on you now. When you have loosened your tight grip and you have let go, new opportunities and possibilities will present themselves to you. Bit by bit, little by little as you let go, surrender and trust, knowing you are safe and loved, a whole new amazing life will open up for you. Once you have shaken off the hold your controlling habits have on you, then not only do you release yourself, but your loved ones too.

This is liberation.

This is true FREEDOM.


By jakkie, Jun 5 2019 11:04AM

This was me in my early 20’s. No, I wasn’t into the hard stuff, (although copious amounts of alcohol was in my diet most days), for me I was addicted to food. I couldn’t stop stuffing my face. At the age of 25 I was 5 ft 3 inches and 13 stone (83 kilo’s) in weight. I had a great life. I had a fantastic career, great friends, a great boyfriend. I had money, I lived in a great part of London, I worked in Leicester Square and had everything a young woman could wish for. However I was deeply unhappy.

I tried so many diets and NONE of them worked. I’d starve myself for days then get so hungry I’d find myself eating the entire contents of the fridge in one sitting. Then I’d get disgusted with myself, hate myself for the lack of will power and hate myself for being so fat. So I’d starve myself again and the whole sorry vicious circle would start all over again.

I forgot I was like this because the person I was then is so different to the person I am now. I have been a stable 8 stone (50kg) for the past 25 years without even thinking about food or diets. In fact, I can’t relate myself to the person I was. I only know it was me because recently I found a whole load of my old diary's and have been absolutely engrossed in reading about my struggles and pain all of which I’d completely forgotten about.

It wasn’t until I worked as the designer on ‘Slimming’ magazine that I started to wake up. I followed every diet suggested in the magazine, I went on photo shoots with the ‘Slimmer of the year’ wishing it was me in the after shots. I was so jealous that they had managed to crack the answer to being slim and happy. It wasn’t until a year later, when we did the follow-up feature of the ‘Slimmer of the year’, that I realised they were just the same as me. They were still fat! All the weight they had lost had all come back again. It was then I realised that the answer was not dieting, the issue was something much much deeper than that. No one was looking at the root cause of the obsessive eating and the yoyo dieting, all they wanted was a quick fix. The symptom was being addressed but the underlying cause wasn’t.

After a few years I was promoted to art editor for a natural health magazine which opened up a whole new world to me. It lead me on a huge journey of self discovery and onto the line of work I do now.

I realised I was trying to fill the deep void within me with eating. It’s the classic ‘filling the hole inside with food’ syndrome. I found comfort in food, food made me feel better, but of course that was only temporary. I was desperate for love and I was finding it in all the wrong places. I was searching ‘out there’ when all the time everything I needed to make me feel whole was ‘in there’. Basically I hated myself and it took me a very long time and a very complex journey to finally love and respect myself. It was only until I truly loved myself, that the unhealthy patterns I had created in my life stopped, and my true life began.

Food addiction may not be life threatening but other substance addictions are, however all addictions are the same, they are all a disrespect for the self and a cry for love.

In the 1970s, a professor of Psychology in Vancouver called Bruce Alexander did an experiment on rats (yes I know poor rats!) He separated a group of rats and put each one in a cage on their own. They were given 2 bottles, one with water, the other was heroin in a water base. They did the same experiment with a group of rats who all lived together in the same cage. These rats had a great life as the cage was full of stimulating toys, the best rat-food, tunnels to scamper down and plenty of friends to play with: everything a rat about town could want.

The rats which were isolated only drank the heroin water. The rats who were with others in the rat- park only drank the water. They concluded that Addiction is the loss of connection, from self and others.

In 2001, the Portuguese government did something radical. They did a social experiment where they legalised all harmful drugs. They took the funding that was set up for rehabilitating addicts and instead used it to socialise them. In other words, instead of chastising addicts and forcing them to give up, they gave unconditional love, help and nurture. The results were astonishing. Even though the drugs were cheeper and legal, the abuse decreased by 50%.

We are connected as a society more than ever before through social media, yet we are the most isolated and loneliest society than ever before. More and more people are choosing to live alone, are divorced or prefer to separate themselves from family. We have become disconnected. Humans need love and nurture, not just to thrive but to survive, and if we don’t feel loved, by ourselves or others, then we find something else to fill the void, the hole, the bit that’s missing in our lives.

That missing is simply LOVE.

Love is the most powerful drug on the planet, and it’s free. We don’t even need to steal or take it from others, we have love within us all the time as a constant supply. We are love, but we forget to open our hearts and give that love to ourselves. We have an internal tap of love that most of the time we forget, or don’t want to turn on.

So my message to you this month is, whenever you find yourself reaching for the biscuit tin / bottle of wine / cigarettes or any other artificial mood changer, try giving yourself a natural high instead. Turn your internal LOVE TAP ON and give yourself the LOVE you crave.

Most people cringe when they hear the L word and it’s amazing how many people don’t like themselves let-alone love themselves. What would you do for yourself today if you really loved yourself? What choices would you make if you truly loved yourself? What is it that you’d LOVE for yourself but you don’t believe you can have? Would you treat your best friend/child/pet the same way you sometimes treat yourself? If you find it hard to love yourself, for whatever false reason you have made up about yourself, then at least be KIND to yourself. RESPECT yourself and be PROUD of the person you have become, because you have overcome many obstacles in your life to get where you are now. You have evolved into a spectacular person whether you believe it or not.

So next time you find yourself reaching for an artificial substance that gives you a quick kick, replace it with doing something that opens your heart, connect with someone or something you love and notice how that empty space miraculously disappears. Love isn’t a quick fix, it’ll never abandon you, it’ll never let you down.

Your heart is your biggest asset, so own it, use it and LOVE IT.

By jakkie, May 7 2019 06:22AM

OK lets face it, men really do come from Mars and women really do come from Venus! That would explain why we sometimes seem to live in opposite worlds. Well, I have news for you, we do!

The world we live in is made up of polarities: Sun/moon, black/white, hot/cold, north/south, summer/winter, male/female. All things on this planet are made to work in harmony with their opposite.

We live in an electric-magnetic Universe. Electric is masculine (output). Magnetic is feminine (input). Electric is force. Magnetic is form. The feminine energy, being the magnetic creative form, is able to understand the bigger picture of life, and offers much wisdom and empathy. The masculine energy, being creative electric force, manifests by targeting what it wants to accomplish, remaining focused on the task at hand, offering productivity and results. Without the masculine energy, the feminine is chaotic, nothing is manifest. It is stagnation. Without the feminine energy the masculine is a blind force, force with no meaning, emotion with no understanding, action with no reason, electricity with no outlet. One cannot exist without the other, we need the opposite energy for us to work, for the masculine and feminine energies are mirror reflections of the same force.

Male and female are complimentary qualities, like the 2 opposite ends to a battery, plus and minus. So to live in a harmonious, healthy relationships with the opposite sex, we need to learn how to accept and live in harmony with the opposite quality, rather than trying to make the opposite quality more like us.

At conception we all started off as female. Then when a gene determines to be male, then the ovaries turn in to testicles, the labia magora turn into the scrotum, clitoris turn into the tip of the penis. If you ended up being a female, you generally possess more feminine qualities (nurturing, receptive, intuitive, passive, left brained) If you are male, you generally possess more masculine qualities (logical, single minded, giving, active).

Whether you are male or female, you still have masculine and feminine qualities within you and these opposite qualities need to be expressed and in balance for harmony to exist within you as well as in your relationships. When you are in harmony with your own masculine and feminine qualities, then you are whole and complete and you won’t ‘need’ the opposite sex to make you complete, because completeness is within you.

When our partner is also complete, then we will experience harmonious and deep loving relationships which are not codependent. This is when a relationship with the opposite sex works. Once we have healthy masculine and feminine qualities playing out in our lives, we have a respect for the opposite sex as opposed to conflict with the opposite sex.

The masculine and feminine principles actively express themselves within your body. Right side (masculine) governed by your left brain. The left side of your body is governed by the right side. If you are more dominant or dormant in either the masculine or feminine, then an imbalance of this natural energy flow gets disrupted. You may see evidence of it in your health, showing up as dis-ease in your bones muscles, organs on the one side only. If you deny or avoid the opposite quality within you, it may indicate that you still have an issue with the opposite sex. Maybe you were wronged or harmed by the opposite sex in the past, or you still hold onto a collective belief about women being wronged by men, or men being wronged by women. If this is the case for you, then you can be sure it will be playing out in your relationships.

When we have conflict with the opposite sex or their qualities, then the fine balance or synergy of those forces become destructive and turn into unhealthy dominant forces. The male may over dominate by having rules and structure, and the female may over dominate by control and emotional manipulation.

So my message to you this month is to embrace your feminine and embrace your masculine within you. Enjoy the strengths in both. Use your feminine intuitive wisdom to birth new exciting ideas, then use your linear, logical masculine to manifest the idea into form. By embracing both your Yin and your Yang, you become whole and complete. Use this knowledge to then make your relationships with the opposite sex more harmonious. When you learn how to embrace your strengths, you automatically learn how to honour theirs.

A healthy masculine in partnership is choosing to be active in giving to the other. A healthy feminine in partnership is choosing to let go and receive the giving of the masculine. This is the fluid cycle of giving and receiving. This doesn’t mean that the female has to surrender to the man’s will, no, it’s learning how to work in harmony with the opposite principle, learning about your individual strength as a man or a woman and using it in harmony with the opposite force.

When we have all learnt these simple principles, then I believe wars will end, the need to be right will fade away. Control, manipulation and force will be replaced with ease, flow and synergy.

This is the law of polarity working in its truest power.

This is harmony.

So let’s all work together to bring harmony and balance back into this world, where man and woman love and respect each other now and always.

It starts with you.

By jakkie, Apr 4 2019 08:20AM

Magic is around us all the time, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Shooting stars are popping about above our heads every night, but we’re too fast asleep to notice. Coincidences are at play behind the scenes every day of our lives, yet we don’t connect the dots. Serendipity is ready and waiting to play its part for us, but sometimes we choose to walk the other way. Magic is everywhere and guess what? We create it! It’s up to us whether we’re at the right place at the right time. It’s up to us to follow a hunch. It’s up to us to decide what we think or how we feel to create our magic. We are the creators of our lives, even if we pretend that we’re not.

This is what happened to me the other day.

My partner and I were on a road trip in our Motorhome for a few weeks as I had a couple of workshops scheduled, and a few clients to see further up the coast of Queensland.

I usually pack everything but the kitchen sink on one of our road trips, however a few days into our trip I realised I’d forgotten the washing powder. I made a mental note to self to get some when we were next at the shops. Five minutes later, I was just on my way back to the van from using the campsite bathroom, when a man approached me carrying something. He said, ‘Excuse me, but do you want this? We don’t need it anymore as we’re flying back home tomorrow’. He pushed something into my hands and guess what it was? A box of washing powder! I couldn’t believe it! Well, actually yes I could, because these coincidences and serendipity moments happen to me quite a lot these days.

How do I do it?

After many, many years of learning about the law of cause and effect, and the law of attraction, I’m starting to really get it.

I know that I create everything in my life. I used to create stuff I didn’t want, so this was where I did most of my learning. Although I’m still learning, I’m now very aware that to consciously create, I have to watch my thoughts. I work on aligning myself everyday, walking my talk and listening to my whispers. When a fearful thought pops in, I replace it with a loving thought. When something feels out of integrity, I resolve it as quickly as I can to get myself back into alignment with my truth. When I get angry, annoyed, frustrated I allow the feelings to flow through me, then out of me, I then do whatever it takes to get back to a place of peace.

When I want something in my life, I visualise it, feel what it feels like to have it, I draw it to me by my desire, then I let all expectations go. Expectations push the thing I want away, because it’s a forcing energy as opposed to a flowing, grateful energy. I then put relevant actions into place to keep the energy flowing in the direction of my desire. I then let go and TRUST!

These are the laws of manifestation. When you stay in alignment with your desire, by taking the relevant actions and acting as if the outcome you want is already here, it will come!

I wasn’t constantly thinking, ‘Washing powder, Washing powder’, for my gift to be given, I believe it’s because I’m so in the flow now, things just seem fall into place. By constantly aligning my life and affirming, ‘I’m always at the right place at the right time’ (which is one of the affirmations I repeat every morning before I get up), things just slot into place for me.

There was another time a few years ago when we were on the road travelling, and after quite a few months, I was starting to feel a little starved of like-minded people. I missed my clients, friends and my yoga community. So I sent out a request to find this somehow while we were on the road travelling. Out of the blue I got a phone call from a man who saw an old house sitting advert of ours on the internet. He was desperate to find a house and dog sitter as they were going away that weekend and their usual house sitter had cancelled at the last minute. We just so happened to be in their area and so we said yes. Can you imagine my shock as we drove up to the house to find that it wasn’t just their home, but also a yoga studio! If that wasn’t enough, I was lead from there to a whole community of like minded people and ended up staying in that area for 3 months teaching yoga, running workshops and absorbing myself within the amazing community which was right on my doorstep.

These synchronistic events just never used to happen to me. Oh no, before I learnt to take responsibility for my life, everything was very different indeed! I used to attract so much bad luck that I believed I was a failure, so much so, that I used to think my life was jinxed. This was before I realised that my thoughts and unconscious beliefs were creating my bad luck. I learnt the hard way, however I’m here to tell you that MAGIC HAPPENS! Because YOU are magic!

You may have already experienced your magic.

It can be as simple as a friend phoning you just when you were thinking of them. Or you’re watching something on the TV and texting a friend at the same time, then you hear the very same word said on the TV as the word that you’re texting to your friend. Or you need a parking space, so you send out a request for one and a car pulls out right in front of you, leaving you the perfect place to park. You may wish for something and the very next day, it appears. They’re all the same magic working through the same laws and the only thing that stops you experiencing the magic more often, is purely because you haven’t yet mastered how to use the laws of manifestation.

So my message for you this month is to remind you that you are powerful, so much so that you can create your wildest dreams, despite your past and despite what you’re facing right now. All you have to do is believe it and keep taking action in alignment with that belief. Your beliefs create, so believe that you are good enough, actually, not just good enough, but believe you are almighty!! Believe that you CAN instead of that you CAN’T. Believe you are healthy, believe you are loveable, believe you are a success, believe you are rich, believe you are capable of anything and everything. Believe in YOURSELF.

Believe in MAGIC. Because you ARE magic.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

By jakkie, Mar 5 2019 09:40AM

Over the many years of working with people’s bodies and minds, it still blows me away at how our body tells us everything about who we are. It tells us of our past, our experiences, our thoughts, our emotions, our beliefs, our health, our personality.

Our biography is our biology and it shows up in our posture, our arms, our legs, our skin, our organs, our cells, our face, even our poo (sorry, but yes it does!!)

The body tells us EVERYTHING we need to know about ourselves. If you have attended one of my workshops or courses, then I know you know this already, however it's always good to be reminded that our body holds our truth.

When I see a stranger walk down the street, I can tell what sort of person they are. I can tell this by how they hold their body, by how they walk, how fast or slow they are going, how they’re using their energy, their eyes, their arms and hands. This is our body language and in the past we used this skill for survival. To read the person walking towards you could’ve been the difference between life and death. We needed this skill to keep us safe and we used it with every interaction we had.

We all still have this skill, however most of us have forgotten how to use it, basically because we don’t need it to keep us safe anymore, certainly not to the degree we used to.

So let’s put this skill back to use, not necessarily to observe someone else, but to understand ourselves a whole lot better. Because our body can tell us everything we want to know. Our body holds all the answers we will ever need. Our body shows us what decision to make in any given situation, it also tells us when something in our life is out of whack. Not only that, but our body tells us who we are, just by observing our posture.

Over time, our body bends and shapes itself depending on what we tell it to do. We’re not aware we are instructing our body to do this, because we do it unconsciously through our habitual thoughts and unconscious beliefs. Our thoughts and beliefs are responsible for our body chemistry changes via our nervous system. The classic example is the placebo effect. If we believe we have taken a drug that’ll get us better (the placebo drug), our brain instructs the body to heal by releasing the appropriate chemicals to the area that needs it. So therefore, it wasn’t the drug that made us well again, it was our belief that we’ll be cured that got us well again.

The same applies to our day to day thoughts and beliefs. If we constantly have fearful thoughts, the body will bend inwards to protect our vital organs. Over time we will have rounded shoulders and a curved spine and a tucked in pelvis. On the other hand, If we are more trusting, open and sociable, over time the body will open up creating a wide chest, a straight spine and an outward tilted pelvis.

Your body is the mirror of your unconscious, so by looking at your posture, it will tell you everything you need to know about your unconscious thoughts.

Our unconscious thoughts and beliefs shape our body over time. Our body may even obey our unconscious needs which were set up in our childhood.

I saw a client the other day who was telling me the story of how he has to be a support for everyone in his life, his employees, his friends, his sister, his parents, his wife, they all rely on him to be their rock and he was just so tired of it. Yet I knew, within his unconscious, he created this role. Being a rock for everyone else made him feel important, needed and loved. He learnt as a boy, that if he did favours for people, he’d be liked and valued in return. The constant favours turned into a habit which then became his life. His body told me this story before he even opened his mouth, because his body was built as solid as a rock, just how he wanted others to view him. His muscles were so tight and unyielding. His shoulders were weighed down with the burdens of his responsibilities. His body was sagging with fatigue. He came to me to help him fix his aching muscles, yet I knew nothing would change unless we looked at the root cause first, and that was within his unconscious mind.

Your body is so clever that it also holds the answer to any questions you have about yourself and your life. Ask it a question and it will give you an answer. I found out the exact time of my birth, to the very second, by asking my body. I even found out where I had lost my car keys! Using kinesiology, dowsing, energy tuning, meditation, hypnosis or any other method that taps into your unconscious, you can ask your body anything. This might include whether you are allergic to certain foods, why you have certain health issues, why you keep repeating the same patterns, you can even ask if it’s a good time to move house or have a career move! Your body holds such profound wisdom, yet we so easily give our power away to others and prefer other people to give us our answers. We have learnt to trust other peoples opinions rather than our own.

I am such an advocate for reminding people to use their own power and innate wisdom, a power and wisdom that will never let us down.

Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” The relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationships in your life.

So my message for you this month is to remind you that you have all the answers you need within you. Your soul knows it all. All you need to do is listen. Listen to what your body is communicating to you through your sore back, your tight shoulders, your coughs and colds, your stooping posture, your crossed arms, your tight gut, your itching skin, your weight loss, your weight gain, your high blood pressure, your excitement, your pumping adrenalin, your blushed neck, your rosy cheeks, your weeping eyes, your butterflies, your pounding heart, your breathlessness.

Listen to the YES's and to the NO’s within your gut and in your heart. Look at your body, listen to your body and trust you have all your answers.

What is your body telling you right now? What wisdom is your body wanting to share with you? Take a moment to look, listen and feel into your body, and notice what happens.

Hi, I'm Jakkie Talmage. Welcome to my blog.


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